Back to the grind. Early bedtimes, early wake times, get the kids dressed, make them breakfast and lunch, and out the door they go. Sounds easy? Right. But what happens when they refuse to wake up, refuse to get dressed, refuse to eat breakfast, refuse to get in the car?
If that sounds like your family, a chaotic morning like that can send all of us into fight or flight. As parents, it shortens our fuse — and it makes us feel like less of the model we're trying to be for our kids.
First, know you're not alone. Every family has these mornings, and I remember all of the above happening in our own house. I remember being flabbergasted that it took 40 minutes to move myself and two kids 30 feet out to the car. I remember choosing my battles and letting my daughter go to school with her shoes on the wrong feet — because hey, at least they were on her feet.
Why Routine Works
Here's what I've learned to make mornings smoother, besides copious amounts of coffee: the routine is where it's at. Not because I like to control everything — I'm about the most laid-back dad there is. It's because routine creates predictability, and predictability takes up less bandwidth in a developing nervous system. When your child already knows what's coming next, they don't have to spend precious mental resources worrying about it.
Try writing the routine out on a whiteboard and talking through it with your kiddo. Plan breakfasts and lunches ahead of time so you already know what groceries you need and what you're making. If they only eat one thing and it happens to be healthy — great, that's less bandwidth spent for everyone.
Get Outside
I can't say enough about what the outdoors does for a nervous system. A short walk lets kids focus on far-off objects, which may help engage the vagus nerve — part of what helps the body shift out of fight-or-flight and into a calmer state. Let them run ahead, be physical, get the wiggles out before we ask them to sit still at a desk all day.
Morning sunlight matters too. It plays a role in signaling circadian rhythm, which can make bedtime easier that same night.
Predictability takes up less bandwidth in a developing nervous system. When your child already knows what's coming next, they don't have to spend precious mental resources worrying about it.
Limit the Screens
Schools already lean on screens more than most of us would like, and it's become part of daily life. What we can control is exposure at home. Less screen time makes room for more connection — and connection is bonding. Bonding helps a child feel safe. And a nervous system that feels safe is a nervous system that can relax.
A Sample Routine to Try
Here's roughly what it looks like in our house. Take what's useful and leave the rest — every family's version of this will look a little different.
Bedtime
- Bath with Epsom salts and lavender
- Get dressed for bed, then pick out (and lay out) tomorrow's outfit
- Story time
- Lay down together
- Rose and thorn: ask about the best part of their day, and the hardest part
- Acknowledge the hard part, then focus on the best
Morning
- Wake up at the same time each day
- 15-minute morning walk — encourage movement, and notice what's different outside (birds, plants, weather)
- Make breakfast and lunch while your child gets dressed
- Eat a nutritious breakfast together
- Pack bags, and out the door
In closing, a calm nervous system is really about managing bandwidth in those little developing systems. We do that by creating predictability, getting outside, moving, and eating whole, nourishing foods. And it's not just about the kids — it's about managing our own bandwidth too.
When you're ready
Let's talk about mornings at your house.
In our experience, when a child's nervous system is functioning well, parents often notice more even moods and easier mornings at home. If you'd like an extra set of eyes on what might be adding static to your child's nervous system, we'd love to help.